BUSHWICK RESORT

WEATHER APP SAYS 64 DEGREES.

I KNOW THERE'S A FORMULA TO CONVERT TO CELSIUS BUT MATHS HAVE NEVER BEEN MY FORTÉ (CAN'T BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING) AND THAT'S WHY SMARTPHONES WERE INVENTED.

<CHANGES TO CELSIUS IN THE APP>

MAKING IT 17 DEGREES. 

JESUS H CHRIST! 

I LEP OUT OF BED AND BRUSH MY TEETH.

Feck.

How many minutes have I missed??

Weather App says it’s been 17 degrees all morning and set to reach the dizzying heights of 21 by midday.

SUNSHINE = All plans being dropped IMMEDIATELY to catch the rays. In Ireland it's a cardinal sin to stay indoors when the sun is shining. Fact.

Must make the most of the day. Not in the getting wasted sense. Well, maybe a sociable one or two.

Sherpa’s on speed dial. Followed by fast n furious set design. (All of which comes from my bedroom and you’d never even know anything was missing #maximallife).

Behold Bushwick Resort.

The Brooklyn version of Club Tropicana. Drinks are free (Sherpa bought cans en route).  The sea is missing but we’ve got the most important ingredient - golden sunshine - so we can suntan!

Resorts by their nature suggest wealth and opulence and resort collections are the fashions of choice for jet-setting resort goers.  And so it seems fitting that I might wear my King of Beers Budweiser swimsuit and my WXYZ crown. After all, I’ve traveled two flights...to the roof.

Bushwick Resort is a very exclusive affair. Memberships are limited to one. Me. And guests may be granted access by special invite only.

Joining me on this moderately warm New York day (but actual height of summer in Ireland) we have Wanda who’s more interested in listening back to her Ibiza mixes than socializing.  Sherpa, who’s doing his usual making-it-happen, shouting instructions and snapping away with the camera. “Chin down.” “I can see your knickers (not in a good way)” etc. And DJ Snake Plant (Plant is silent) not to be confused with DJ Snake (which is kind of hard when you say it so it’s probably better that I’m writing this) who happens to be a close friend of legendary Ibiza DJ and Wanda’s idol - Eyeball Paul.

Budweiser is on tap. Well from a can but you know what I mean. We’re listening to Club Mix Ibiza 1999 (apart from Wanda who’s in another world with her Beats) and we’re enjoying the day. Dancing. LOLING. Generally having fun.

The sun is getting brighter and it’s time for shades. DJ Snake Plant being the dapper gent that he is, sports Party City resort - this season’s hottest, of course - love heart shaped eye decor with a navy blue tinted lens and gold frame. I’m digging them.  I on the other hand opt for ISLYNYC pink cat glasses that have the opposite effect to sunglasses but they look rad with my outfit. That’s the sacrifice you make for fashion. Hopefully I don’t lose my sight completely.

Things are heating up at Bushwick Resort.  Including my skin.  My ginger Irish skin!  I gasp. In all the excitement I realize I forgot to slather on the factor 30.  FUUUUUUCK. I wonder if I’m starting to burn? I ask Sherpa.  He reminds me it’s 17 degrees so burning is highly unlikely.  And also, my red ensemble will seamlessly blend with any redness caused by burning so worst case scenario, I’ll look like I’m wearing a bodysuit. Sherpa talks such sense. What would I do without him?

Binary Finary 1999 plays on Spotify. The Gouryella Remix. DJ Snake Plant says it’s one of his favorite Ibiza CHOONS. Reminds him of playing Space and Manumission in the glory days of the late 90s / early 2000s.

DJ Snake Plant is actually really good fun.  I don’t remember having invited him but through the Budweiser haze it doesn’t really matter how he got in here. We sit side by side. Sharing jokes. Reminiscing about the 90s.

I feel DJ Snake Plant move closer. I think we both know what’s going to happen. He leans in for a kiss. He’s kind of green and looks like plant, but honestly, this is way more fun than most of the dates I've been on in New York. So why the feck not?

We sit back and relax. Drinking Pina Coladas (Budweiser) from a plastic pineapple until the sun goes down.

DJ Snake Plant has to jet back to Ibiza for a gig at Amnesia.  Says he’ll be back at the end of the summer.

I wonder if he’ll remember me?

The sun sets on Bushwick Resort. Wanda heads to House of Yes to hit the decks. 

I jet back to my apartment to inspect my skin situation. I'm no lobster. It's a Christmas Miracle at the height of Irish summer.

Check the weather app. Rain. Wind. Hailstones. Hurricane warning. 

In June can you believe it?

I'd better get fashions prepped for Bushwick Bunker.

GLOSSARY OF TERMS (in order of appearance)

Maths - Irish English for 'Math'. As in sums. 

Lep - Irish English for ‘leap’ or ‘jump’ also, the first syllable of the word ‘leprechaun’ but it’s nothing to do with being small even though I am.

Midday - Irish English for ‘noon’ or 12pm

Sherpa - friend / helper of friends in need / explorer / human trip advisor / life coach / photographer / performer / estate agent / set designer / beer provider

Swimsuit - Irish English for ‘bathing suit’

Eyeball Paul - Superstar DJ from 2000 hit movie 'Kevin and Perry Go Large'.  The 'Eyeball' part of his name comes from the activity of 'eyeballing' which involves consuming vodka...through the eye! #hardcore

WEARING

Budweiser Swimsuit Urban Outfitters / Pink Crown: WXYZ Jewelry / Red Sports Skirt: Top Drawer Thrift Store, Austin, Texas / Choker, Eye Earrings & Cat Glasses: ISLYNYC / Silver Platform Sandals: Opening Ceremony / Gold Pinky Ring: Patricia Field

WANDA

Canary Yellow Headphones: Beats by Dr. Dre / Straw Hat: Sherpa's Own